While in St Kilda I came across a great little strip of shops on Blessington Street. One of them, Lentil As Anything, was a non-profit vegetarian restaurant with a difference.
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© The Ponder Room
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On entering you’re initially confronted by its small size and rustic look. You’ve also unwittingly ‘been invited into an agreement with your conscious’… or so the large sign reads.
The cafe began as a hang out for artists. Broke one week and flush the next, the cafe devised a system of ‘lentil conscious credit’.
Basically if the artist couldn’t pay one week they paid the next, after selling a painting perhaps. Sounds perfect for the freelance writers, researchers and cartoonists amongst us. No more flogging things on gumtree.com while waiting for a commission to come in.
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© The Ponder Room
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For some reason I found my mind wandering back to the era where artists were sponsored by wealthy landowners, pondering how much easier that would be, but I digress.
The menu was limited offering lentil burgers, various vegetable curries, Japanese omelets, tea and hot chocolate.
Having ordered a hot chocolate I sat back and read the back of the menu which reminded me that …..
‘Every time you enter into a conscious thought, magic is present, so when you pay make a wish, because with a little lentil love you will be surprised what happens.’
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Instead of materalizing a wish for all mankind, my mind pondered what constituted an appropriate payment, somewhere between cheap and ostentatious. Ostentatious who was I kidding?
In most Melbourne cafes I’d been asked to pay around $3.50, whereas in Perth this could extend to $4.50 or $5.00. But then there was the philosophy and community to consider.
‘Pay an amount that reflects whether you enjoyed the meal, the philosophy and the community.’ The menu read…… The guilt was beginning to build.
Added to this there was the unnerving presence of the waiter with the worrying demeanor, constantly hovering to my right. I’m not sure whether it was boredom, the logistics of the crammed space, or a clever marketing strategy, but he kept prowling up and down beside me, reminiscent of the Tasmanian Devils in the Perth zoo that were later declared psychotic. Considering the size of the shop I gave him the benefit of the doubt.
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It being 10am I wasn’t really ready for a curry, a burger or an omelet regardless of its heritage. Yet I almost felt compelled to answer yes.
Instead I mumbled a decline and put my head down appearing intent on reading the rest of the philosophy. As the sole cook stirred on, preparing for the day, I read that they also fund community and immigration projects and they have an emergency accommodation house for new Australians……. Perhaps I could go a small curry after all.
Then the clincher….
A shabby handwritten note on the donation box declaring that they were not in the best of times. It read…..
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‘Hi guys, you are doing good. But at the moment we are on HARD time, so pleased when you pay make more contribution to run this place’.
That was it, I was gone.
Years of childhood guilt bubbled to the surface, like a cow re-chewing its cud. As I left I found myself putting $15 in the box, an obscene amount for a hot chocolate, and yet I still felt the need to apologise.
As I walked down the street I pondered………
- Whether I had enough time to come back that night and try the curry. The look in the waiters eye as I left made me think I should.
- Was it all a marketing ploy? Did the owners go home to a penthouse overlooking the Yarra? If not then I wish them a constantly overflowing donation box, as it’s a great idea.
- Is guilt a more powerful selling agent than sex? I guess to test that theory I’d have to find a cafe where all the variables were constant, except for the waiters, who would need to include a constant stream of Cleo Bachelor types, albeit a little older perhaps. A tough job but I’m willing to do the research if someone wants to pay me.
- For those of you keen to take up the guilt challenge for yourselves, or in need of some lentil love, next time you’re in Melbourne, take Tram 96 to the end of the line, and walk around the corner into Blessington Street. Lentil As Anything is open daily 10am-9pm
