How to ensure celebrities perform (Louis de Bernieres at Byron Bay Writers Festival)

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While Louis de Bernieres, writer of Captain Corelli’s Mandolin, Birds Without Wings, and most recently Red Dog, discussed his love of creating ‘possible worlds’, the massive audience spilling out of the marquee sat perfectly still, listening. All that is, except one.
© The Ponder Room
Louis enticed the audience by describing himself as a realist who doesn’t believe in happy endings.
‘When a book ends with ‘they lived happily ever after’, I think oh, oh…..marriage is a happy beginning….’
He went on to speak passionately about fathers rights, and the impact of broken families on grandparents who can lose all contact with their grandchildren.
The audience member remained unimpressed.
Taking another tact Louis shone a light on life on the road, explaining that ‘half an hour after the applause, you’re in the rain looking for a takeaway.’
Again the audience member was not amused,
Even referring to his own movie as Captain Gorillas Mandarin got no reaction, nor his comment that, making that movie was a mammoth task, but all worth it to ‘meet Penny Cruise, she’s completely sweet’.
By now the audience member had fallen asleep.

It wouldn’t have been so bad if he’d been sitting at the back of the tent but he was sitting in the front row. What’s more he’d soon be ushered on stage to join Louis in discussing his latest venture Red Dog. Still he slept on. Clearly performance anxiety was not an issue for this guest.

Finally the call came for him to join the panel on stage.
The producer of the Red Dog movie, Nelson Woss, simply looked over at the next guest and smiled.
‘Perhaps if you all clap,’ Nelson suggested ‘he’s a bit of a ham and usually comes to life for applause.’
Anything to help, the audience applauded and the guest blinked his eyes open. 
© The Ponder Room





Nelson leant over, rubbed the guests tummy, and slipped him a secret morsel.

 
Wide awake now Koko, the star of Red Dog, bounded on stage and sat quietly throughout the remainder of the session, until he was asked to speak.  A dog of few words he let out one solitary bark.
© The Ponder Room
I came across Koko on several occasions over the weekend and every time he was happily soaking up a pat on the head, or rub behind the ears.
© Nelson and Koko

The Ponder Room

The Red Dog session gave me quite a bit to ponder but mostly…….
Would Nelson’s tummy rubbing approach work for other celebrities?….….
Would Philip Adams, Wendy Hammer or Tim Ferguson, be partial to a tummy tickle? Given Koko’s reaction I think I’d give it a go.

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1 Comment

  1. Haha, well done. I was wondering who this celeb was who would be rude enough to sleep through something like that and still get a tummy rub.
    I have to say though, he may be onto something, that technique would certainly work on my husband 😉

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