The other day I received a text that read like this … Blog Po N Ponder three no have or sprung up pm ponder fou R sure. To say I was perplexed is a massive understatement. Perhaps if it was the 1940’s and I was the Head Cryptologist at Bletchley Park Code Cracking Department, I might have had a chance. Although if that was the case I’d probably be more baffled by the small black object in the palm of my hand that gave rise to the message.
Tropfest
According to research undertaken by Cambridge University, it doesn’t matter what order a word is written in as long as the first and last letters are correct. Taking this into consideration I surmised the following.
Clearly the last line was simply an inadvertent carriage return and something was possibly ‘for sure’. There also appeared to be some attempt to reference to this blog The Ponder Room, which began its life as a journal of humorous things to ponder while on the toilet. Considering this the reference to ‘po’ was a concern particularly as it appeared that something had ‘sprung up’.
So there I stood staring at the screen unsure whether to hightail it to an internet café to check my blog, or go straight home in case everything had turned to … well wasn’t how I’d left it. Then I looked at the name of the sender which caused greater concern.
The author was one of my octogenarian friends. Dark visions flooded my brain. Imagines of a man lying on the kitchen floor post stroke, right arm outstretched reaching for the phone to send me one … final … text. Should I drop into his place on the way home or go directly to calling an ambulance?
But then I remembered that two days prior the same friend had suffered an event more confusing than a stroke. He’d innocently entered a mobile phone store to make a simple phone upgrade, and been inspired by the prepubescent sales assistant to leave with an iPhone 6.
That day I’d received a troublesome phone call, something about being trapped in a camera. When I explained that I couldn’t help over the phone he added that a woman kept talking to him. When I asked where he was he said he was at home and that a woman kept saying she could help him. Perhaps it wasn’t the ambulance I should call, perhaps I should send for the little men in white coats.
Thanks to Tropfest
Apparently said woman repeatedly asking ‘What can I help you with’, and then ignoring his pleas to be released from the camera. After several minutes of them both going round in circles frustration ensued and when a rare profanity was expressed the woman took issue and withdrew her help. My own verbal explanations were going nowhere, a mercy mission was required.
Once on the ground I enquired whether it would be less concerning if the voice were male, as this could be arranged faster than Bruce’s transition to Caitlyn, but no that wasn’t the issue. And so it was that at 7.53pm a murder took place in suburban Perth. I, aided by my octogenarian accomplice, killed off Siri, her crime … being too obliging.
Inspired we took on the camera issue and found that the camera icon had been placed in the ‘frequently used icons’ section at the bottom of the phone. No doubt the prepubescent youth thought he was being helpful by setting up the phone with what he and his friends used most. Young nimble fingers constantly oscillating between taking photos and texting. Large shaking elderly fingers however do not have the same dexterity. Not only do they miss the intended icon, they have a habit of pressing three buttons at the same time while waking an angry Siri from her afternoon repose.
After repositioning the icons I decided to investigate the damage hiding under the camera icon. There winking back at me was a video. What would you do, would you play it or ignore it?
I asked my friend what the video was about but he had no recollection of taking the video, nor how to complete such a task, perhaps it was Siri. As I pressed play I was bit worried about what I might find, especially since calls have sometimes been known to get answered in the smallest room of the house.
Thankfully what emerged was a collection of random shots taken in the family office complete with latest shaky cam realism which, if I’m honest, was pretty impressive. As I watched on I thought … this isn’t bad. Then I saw something that put the afternoon in a whole new light. Two seconds before the end of the video the footage flashed onto a series of images on the office computer screen. There in red, black and white were images of horses, bishops, and queens. A deck of cards half way through a game of solitaire …a deck of cards!
For those of you not in the know this year’s signature item for Tropfest is … CARD. For those still none the wiser, Tropfest is Australia’s most prestigious short film festival and the largest short film festival in the world. Over the years I’ve been to many Tropfest nights to watch new and experienced film makers show off their magic.
Twenty one years ago John Polson held a short film screening for a few mates at Tropicana Café in Darlinghurst. That night 200 people showed up. Now the night is held in Centennial Park and beamed live to an audience of 150,000 people in outdoor venues across Melbourne, Canberra, Hobart, Surfers Paradise and Perth. In recent years it’s also been telecast on SBS 2.
Each year approximately 700 people enter with 16 making it into the finals which are shown on the night. The judging also takes place on the night which adds to the excitement, especially since the judges have been people like Samuel L Jackson, Ewan McGregor, Salma Hayek, and Cate Blanchett.
Entry is open to anyone regardless of experience. Each year the Tropfest team picks a signature item (TSI) which shows that the film has been specifically made for Tropfest. It can be the feature item or included in the background and this year the TSI is … Card.
With a total prize pool of $100,000 you can see why I was excited. While many past winners like Joel Edgerton and Sam Worthington having gone on to great things, I’m sure my friend would just be pleased to have some funds to buy a new phone. One that doesn’t have a myriad of irrelevant buttons and make him think he’s going mad.
One things clear, with more and more people living into their 90’s telephone companies would be wise to rethink their product offering for the elderly market. Would it be too much to maintain one basic unit in their range? After all World War Two walkie-talkies managed to convey key messages to the soldiers in the trenches, without the incessant interruption of a woman asking ‘How can I help?’
Tropfest entries close October 8t more information here. The Perth event is always a great night of music, food and top short films, so put Sunday 6 December in your diary.
This story appeared in Swan Magazine.
