Let’s see now, so far this Spring I’ve witnessed fly by ducks and obsessive compulsive kookaburras, what next you ask? Well……
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© The Ponder Room
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As I sat at my desk today, head swirling with additions and percentages, I was vaguely aware of a distant hum. It was easy to ignore at first, as I was putting all my concentration on the vast spreadsheet of numbers before me. However after three hours fixated on the screen, my concentration started to wane. Consequently my hearing sharpened, allowing the mild hum to invade my consciousness. ‘That’s one huge blowfly’, I thought.
Venturing into the lounge room to confront the interloper, I was confronted with a bee instead of a fly. That bee was closely followed by another, and another, my quick head count giving up at 43 bees swarming around the room. Actually to be fair most of them weren’t swarming, they were prostrating themselves against the glass sliding doors, trying to understand how they could see the flowers outside, but not get to them. What do to? Panic? Well yes, but then what?
Fly spray was out of the question. While I’d like to think this was because I’d reached a new level of compassion after my recent three day encounter with the Dalai Lama, but the reality was, it was because the can was empty. Beside who knows how they’d react, and there were more of them than me. Close the doors? Sure, but looking around all the doors were already closed. How did they get in? Deciding I was no match for their superior intellect, I called in the experts, phoning up a well known pest control company for advice. Their answer….
‘They’re swarming at the moment, how many are there? Really hold on I’ll ask our senior expert…… Okay there’s nothing we can do until they find the nest and locate the queen. Even if we came out we couldn’t do anything.’ While she spoke I watched the swarm double in number. I asked if she was sure, the growing sense of panic obvious in my voice.
‘We’ve had so many calls, there’s nothing we can do I’m afraid…..I suggest….you…. avoid them.’
Brilliant, why hadn’t I thought of that. My silence prompted her to add ….‘or you could try …..opening the window and letting them fly out, sorry, good luck, bye.’
Great idea in theory, but the only opening happened to be at the one place they were all hanging around. And so the Spring Dance began. Should any of my neighbours peer over the back fence, they would have seen a brilliant rendition of …the hokey cokey…. as I put my right arm in, then franticly took my right arm back out and shook the bees about.
Eventually, doors open, I was back at my desk head buried in data until something caught my attention. A bird fluttered in through the open doors, along the long room and right up to my desk. I kid you not! Looking at me for a moment, it fluttered, then turned on it’s heels (if they have them) then took off back out the door.
As I sat stunned I pondered…
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Perhaps I should show the spreadsheet to the bees, one look seemed to be enough to make the bird hightail it out the door.
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In the meantime I guess the only thing left to do is sit very, very still, channeling the Dalai Lama, and meditating the bees out of my consciousness and out the door, hopefully.
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Still at least I’m not in Byron Bay. An email just in tells me they’re being inundated by whales….now they’d be really hard to get out of the lounge.
4 Comments
Oh, you do make me laugh!! (and that’s a good thing). Amazing how all you need to do is sit at your desk or gaze out at your pool for all this excitement – I must be doing something wrong. I especially love the bird turning on its heels (ha ha I reckon they *do* have them!).
ta Amanda, you may want to rethink that desire for home grown excitement until you read the latest post
That was hilarious to read, not so much to live through though I’m sure. Well done on the writing and on surviving.
Ta and correct, not so funny at the time