Warning: Terminator appears to be back (Technology black out in Melbourne)

The following is based on true events.
During this recent trip to Melbourne I was reminded that the Terminator and his mates may be edging ever closer every day.

Two days prior to departure my digital camera made another bold attempt to escape from my life. Over worked for many years it had been threatening to walk out for some time. I should have predicted its imminent departure after it started sending up puffs of smoke every time the flash was employed. Instead I ignore it and found ways to work around it. Since the repair job was going to cost half the price of an upgrade, the decision was easy.

Perhaps buoyed on by the cameras successful escape attempt, the next day my mobile phone simply shut down. No one could get it to turn on not even the overly enthusiastic, teenage Telstra rep.

And so I landed in Melbourne with a new camera in one pocket and new mobile phone in the other (sans all contacts as they couldn’t be retrieved from the old one – so if you haven’t heard from me for a while you know why). If the sequnce had been reversed I may have considered an iPhone, but instead I remain an ‘i’-free zone. As with the Blackberry era, I’m yet to be convinced, as being a part time recluse, I quite enjoy brief periods of un-contactability.

Having booked into the hotel and fresh from the shower, I became aware that the hotel hairdryer was missing in action. So too was the in-room internet access apparently. For some reason my laptop decided it would be a better use of my time to walk to the Business Centre twice a day. Okay that iPhone may have been looking better right about then.

So at the end of day one, exhausted I schlepped off to bed to watch the tennis. Nadal playing Murray in the French Open, that would do nicely, until…. totally engrossed in the third set……

G o o d b y e

The television politely signaled its intent. Looking at the remote control on the bedside table I knew I hadn’t pressed anything.

Day two and the house keeping staff told me a previous guest had reprogramed the sleep mode. Pushing a few buttons he declared all would be well.

That night after another long day exploring I settled in to watch Nadal play Federer in the final. Nearing the end of the second set long rally, I was sitting forward and …..

G o o d b y e

Day four. While out and about my phone signaled there were three voice messages waiting. Clearly someone needed to contact me urgently. However the phone wouldn’t let me text or call out. Finally locating a Telstra store, the older salesman was initially perplexed, then ventured ‘it’s a software issue’. Before I had time to mention it was only a week old, he took out the battery and put it back in saying ‘done’. I wasn’t so convinced.

Day seven and my iPod wouldn’t turn on at all. No it wasn’t the battery. Locating an Apple store, after much deliberation the hyped, emaciated assistant replied…..

‘It’s dead’. Noticing my disbelief he added, ‘it’s decided it’s had enough’. Then perhaps thinking of something I could relate to he added, ‘it’s worked for a long time and wants to retire, you’ll have to get a new one, sorry’.

Day ten and I awoke to news that an ash cloud had grounded all flights in and out of Melbourne.  There was nothing left to do but sit on the bed, put the kettle on and ponder….

1. Was this all a marketing ploy by the makers of the iPhone? Does my new phone contain some special tracker that seeks out all my other devices within a 2 kilometre radius and exterminate them, forcing me to go buy the latest model?
2. Was it a case of being in such close proximity to the Dalai Lama? Was His Holiness trying to convert me to an easier life, one less reliant on technology?
3. Where is Sarah Conner when you need her?
4. Why isn’t that kettle boiling?