Sitting in oppressive, misty darkness, at the start of the 2011 Rottnest Swim I was surprised by the number of hidden obstacles I witnessed. While some hindrances are very well publicized, others seem to have remained part of the secret society, especially for a first time entrant. So in the name of fair play I thought I’d share them with you incase you were thinking about entering next year.
 |
|
‘Zombie’, Bondi Rescues ‘Deano’,
Premier Colin Barnett & horn
© The Ponder Room
|
There are 5 well known obstacles that you need to cross before going any further. First having to swim 19.7 kms in open water is a big one, but you’ve probably got over that one already. Then there’s all that healthy eating, training, the lack of alcohol (if you’re serious) and getting up at 3.45am on the day.
With these covered off we can move onto the 6 hidden obstacles, those discussed in whispers at the after party.
 |
|
© The Ponder Room
|
 |
|
©The Ponder Room
|
First is asking your best mate to smear thick cream on your back, and rub Vaseline into your armpits. I’m pretty sure this breaks some ‘man rules’ somewhere, definitely at the Coffin Cheaters clubhouse, or the Rottnest Quokka Arms Hotel on any other weekend. Then factor in the added stress when, half way through the race, you wonder what your mate has drawn on your back. On top of the cream there’s the strategically places taping.
 |
|
©The Ponder Room
|
Then there are the other competitors you’re going to ‘share’ this potentially life changing experience with. For me I’d stay away from the guy with SOS on his back, that can’t be a good sign. Same with the guy banking on Red Cross protection, especially since he’s chosen the little spoken of ‘pink division’, who try to revive you with vanilla essence instead of smelling salts (see below). And then there’s the woman with ‘Mad Kate’ across her bathers, enough said there I think.
Oh and I forgot the celebrity entrant, like Bondi Rescue lifeguard ‘Deano’ (see first photo – he’s in black bike shorts) who comes complete with a salivating media pack who don’t care that you’re trying to secure a good position on the line.
 |
|
Final Wave
©The Ponder Room
|
Still keen? Okay then.
With one minute to go, after a final wave to your loved ones, you realise that, having been moved aside by the media pack, you are now positioned right next a zombie (see top photo).
I didn’t think zombies liked water? Mind you I guess their stiff legs could prove a bonus given the 5 hours of 2 beat kicking ahead of them.
When you enter the water there’s a very life like floating camera man guaranteed to move into your path just as you’re about to dive in. Oh and this year, just for the fun of it, if you’re in the first wave off the beach you’ll have to come to a complete stop two hours into your rhythm, while container ships crisscross your path, on their way back to Ikea to stock up on over priced rubber ducks.
 |
| ‘Pink Cross’ & floating camera
©The Ponder Room
|
But that’s not the worst of it.
As you entered the water WA Premier Colin Barnett extended his horn into the air and blew it…. right near your ear. Deafened you realise; oh that’s why the other competitors are wearing ear plugs.
So now you know…good luck for next year.
 |
|
©The Ponder Room
|
1 Comment
Not having the energy nor inclination to get up at 3.30am to watch a crowd of insomniacs dive into the Indian Ocean I was interested and enlightened by your descriptive article.
It could be interesting to observe the swimmers arriving jellied legged at their destination.